What Will Your Report Card Say?

Fall is here.
I can feel it as it blows through my hair.
The essence of fall is found in all the little things that saturate the details of my day.
Its the cool crispness of the morning breeze.
It's the hot sweetness of my chai tea latte.

It's the bright yellow of school buses that color the traffic on the streets.
It's the groups of children filling the air with giggles.




The rhythm of life's routine has changed again as a new season commences; but with that comes a new season in our lives which is more intimate and personal.  For we all have a destination in our journey of life, and much like the way children move from grade to grade, so do we as adults go from level to level; and as children are graded, so will we be one day.  One day we will find out if we have successfully navigated this career called life.




What will your report card say?
Will you have aced it? or will you have failed?  Will your great teacher give you the gold star and diploma of life while you wear your gown of white?  Or will you have it said of you , that you lived a life sub-par?  That you didn't reach your full potential.  That you didn't do your homework and therefore never learned your lessons well enough to pass the tests you were given. That you didn't pay attention when the teacher was talking, and you failed the pop tests that arose in your life.  That you went to too many parties and never did anything that contributed to your community positively.

Are you the type that gets sent to the principles office of life, being sentenced to detention behind bars so you can think about what you've done; yet never learn the lesson being taught? Or are you the valedictorian who strives to be the best you can be and end up winning the noble prize in life?  Or are you just floating, trying to blend in  and not making any waves?  Perhaps you are you gonna end it all and just drop outta life?  What's gonna be your outcome? You have the power and the choice is yours to make the most out of your life.

Romance at Hershey Park

I looove Christmas! It's my favorite holiday next to Valentines Day.  It's kinda a tie between the two. lol  But with Christmas right around the corner I'm so excited!  There's caroling, hot chocolate and hot apple cider, tons of baking, parties, decorating, and then there's romance.. yes. Christmas is romantic.  I'm gonna have to say, that it's more romantic than Valentine's Day.

Christmas even has more types of kisses than Valentine's Day.  There's mistletoe kisses, cold winter kisses, kisses by the fireplace (I don't have a fireplace, but I can imagine I do...lol), Christmas Eve kisses, Christmas Day kisses, and New Year's Eve kisses.  Valentines day only has one. Christmas is more romantic also because there's more to do together, which builds on relationship as opposed to Valentine's Day which most people just go out to eat.  Most people don't even get dressed up for it anymore... which is sad.  But if they find it romantic to wear sweats... then who am I to say otherwise?

So what does this have to do with Hershey Park?  Everything.  There's so much winter fun to be had there!  I went to Hershey park one winter when I was 15 with my youth group from church, and I've always wanted to go back...  lights were everywhere!  There was music, laughter, and pure white snow.  It was so beautiful and romantic... everyone was all bundled up and the couples were stealing cold winter kisses and sharing hot chocolate! And the snowflakes that night were big and beautiful. And I remember I almost cried, cause the most beautiful thing was witness all the love that surrounded me.  There was laughter and joy. No arguments and turmoil.  And there was, just for a moment, peace, joy, hope, harmony and love.   At 15 I felt it couldn't get any better... and that's the way it should always be.   Now that I'm older, I've seen so much of the dark... I guess there's a part of me that still believes in the magic.  One day, I'll go back to the Hershey Park, and whether someone goes with me, or I go alone, I will enjoy the love that surrounds me and memorize it like I did at 15, so I can carry the magic of the night with me... And if I never make it back, it'll always be one of my most sacred memories, because that was the night I first believed in the magic of love.

Blessed Be

Life Colors

I'm back again with the long awaited answer another self-discovery.  The age old question of my favorite color was asked and was not answered by my friends and family.  So I went to my neighbors and asked them what they thought my favorite color was.  Remember, my goal is to not only see how people perceive me as well as how I perceive myself, but to analyze both perceptions so that I may come to a conclusion that speaks the most truth to me about me.  With that being said, I won't lie.  I am kind of nervous as to what the results will show.  For example, my previous post was in search of the meaning behind my favorite flowers.  Well all the guesses had shown me that people generally had a very positive outlook as to who they thought I was.  I picture I received was a woman who was happy, romantic and pure.  Who wouldn't want people to think that about them, while they did guess mostly good things, there was that one flower... the Tiger Lily that had made me somewhat nervous?  Why?  Because its meaning was of wealth and pride, and we know that those two things, especially tied together can be morally dangerous.  The Tiger lily also carries a viral fungus than can infect other species and can be toxic to cats.  And as I mentioned before, they always made me nervous and I never wanted to own them.  I was quit content to watch them from afar.  But it did show me that I recognize the dangers that can be brought to a person’s life by wealth and pride, and have shown prudence in avoiding it.  So I lucked out this time...  But everyone has a week point and dark spot.  Mine wasn't revealed by the flowers... now we will see about the colors.

This brings me back to my post for today.  As I said I asked my neighbors to help me, so let’s first look at their guesses and see what they mean.  The color orange was the first guess and I wasn't surprised at all.  This also is the favorite color of a really good friend of mine, so this will be enlightening for him.  OK, so we know how orange is made, with yellow and red, and because it is made of two colors, it combines some of their properties as well to make for a unique color.  Orange combines the energy of red with the happiness of yellow, making it a very stimulating color.  It represents creativity, vitality, playfulness, and endurance; it also stirs up an appetite for the good things in life and for those who like this color, are generally thoughtful, sincere and curious.  So while I do have some of these traits, this is totally how my friend is, which is why we get along so well.

Now, this next guess was a very flattering surprise, because this color embodies the very essence of femininity.  Lavender, the beautiful shade of purple that has been doused with white, is a beautiful and timeless color.  It contains the purity, cleanliness, and hope of white, with the mystery, royalty, and magic of purple.  Within the color lavender, are the traits of a true lady; a woman who delicately and gracefully carries the mystery of womanhood at its purest. 

  

My neighbor who guessed lavender also guessed black.  This leads me to believe that she may be a little more perceptive than I’d given her credit for, because purple and black were my favorites as a teenager.  Black is powerful and very misunderstood, which is why few choose it as their favorite color, but also making it the color for possibility and potential.  In truth, it is not a color at all.  It is in fact the very absence of color and it absorbs all light, making black to represent the hidden and fearful, or a bad experience, and is linked to the unknown and unseen.  Because of its properties it can also be seen as a restful emptiness of which anything may emerge and disappear at any given time.

Now, while no one on Facebook tried to guess my favorite color, my brother did guess that I would have more than one favorite color.  He was correct.  I have two.  The first one is blood red.  Yes, not just red, but blood red.  It is a very dark and deep red that holds both the qualities of red and black.  Red by itself is not for the timid.  It is fiery, passionate, violent, sensual, bold, and daringly wild.  Not many can handle this color because it overwhelms them.  It takes a wild spirit to find peace in this color, and it was my favorite as a little girl until I was about thirteen and started to transition to a young woman. It was then that red gave way to lavender and black.  I guess it knew it would be back and understood that when it did, it would more powerful and potent than before.  And it has.  Blood red represents the very essence of the life source that flows through each of, connecting all humanity on a primitive level; blood.  It’s a warm color that represents loyalty at its deepest (blood oaths for example), life at its fullest, undying love, passion at its most primitive and violent at its deadliest.  This shade of red has guts and is deep, strong, and dramatic. 

Turquoise… the color of water, our other life source, and the color of the earth and sky merging together to sustain all living life, is my second color.  It is a color that not only heals the emotions, but also controls them and stabilizes them.  This color combines the color blue with its peace, serenity, and tranquility, with the color yellow which uplifts, making this unique color that is between blue and green, giving balance and growth.  Turquoise is the color that will rejuvenate the spirit after extreme mental stress and over taxing as well as stimulate creativity and heighten sensitivity.  It’s also the color of many who are em-paths and those who are considered evolved or old souls. 

Once again my colors are polar opposites of each other.  Childhood was ruled by red and baby blue, my teenage years were guided by lavender and black, and now I've been unleashed in blood red and turquoise.  And after looking at how I was at each stage, it makes perfect sense considering all that I've seen and experienced in life.  There are thing I wish I never saw and people I wish I’d never met, but looking back I was meant to have those influences in my life for I can see the world and people in ways that others can’t.  I've been around death and decay, I've been lied to and betrayed, I've seen physical and emotional abuse, I've watched children be neglected and abandoned and given alcohol because adults found it hilarious, and I've had love given and taken away.  But I've also seen the miracles of a new life being born and watching people get healed in churches of ailments, I've seen loving people take in and adopt the abandoned and abused children, I've seen people of all walks of life rally together and stand as one against the ugliness that is in our world, I've seen people who were dead in life come alive with a renewed passion for living, and I've been blessed to watch couples who've fought to stay together through all the odds life through at them and even in though they may only have 3 years left to live, they still kiss each other with passion they had at 30.

Blood red is the color of my soul; I am one of the few who have the capacity to experience the range of human emotions at their deepest and most primitive at will.  With me, it is dangerous to keep my emotions bottled up, not only for me but for those around me.  I have to be allowed to see the emotion through completely before I can move on and release it.  Many, who are not able to grasp the concept of what it means to feel emotion in a primitive form, and are around for the rare display, see it as dramatic.  But what they are really witnessing is raw emotion without the restrictions that society and religion put on them. But with this gift comes a heavy responsibility with it.  There is a price to pay every time I allow the primitive to surface and a consequence when I allow people to see it, because many people can’t handle that kind of depth.  My anger is one that I have not fully released since I was 15, and that is a story for another time.  When I love someone, it’s a love that they can’t comprehend and they are at times overwhelmed by it.  They don’t understand how I can love them with their flaws and stand by them even when they break my heart; and it’s because they don’t understand the love is more than what society has made it to be. It is more than warm fuzzy feelings and lust.  It is a conscious decision to stand with that person through hell and back again.  It is being devoted to that person and helping them to be their best in the worst of times.  My love is not something I hand out lightly and when it’s given, it doesn't go away.  I may change, but it will never leave.  Hate…  I only have truly hated 3 people in my entire life.  To be hated by me destroys us both…  I've made it a point to never hate ever again.  My joy, has had people thinking I was high on drugs… lol I can’t explain what it’s like to have joy of that level.  It’s like your heart will explode and you can’t help smiling at laughing.  On top of that, you want them to feel what you’re feeling because it feels so amazing...  I have noticed that it is contagious.  No one who has ever been around me when I was joyful has ever been able to stay mad, sad, or depressed. 

I now y’all are wondering how I’m ever on an even kilter if I go through all that all the time and its simple; Turquoise is the color of my spirit and mind.  While going through these emotions I shut off the feelings and fully open my mind and spirit.  I remember what I went through and I analyze it.  And when I've done that, I either release it or give it away.  There are some people that come to me with problems and ask for advice or guidance.  Some of the things they tell me make me angry and I become very frustrated with their lack of emotion or if they have emotion, it’s normally the wrong one.  So I release my emotions to them in our conversations and they take that with them and are able to handle the situation themselves properly.  Sometimes though they have the right emotion, but because they don’t have the capability of harnessing it using it properly, their judgment is clouded and I have to counter their emotion with its opposite.  Then both types come back to update me after they've handled the situation, and because I experience their feelings on a primitive level on a daily basis and can harness the power of them, I’m able to sit down with them and explain logically from start to finish what happened and why for both them and the other people involved.  They then have a complete picture of the situation and can let it go; moving on with their lives.  So you see, I temper the emotions with thoughts and my spirit combines the two giving me a peace and a grace to be steady in life.

I've been doing this for years, but until now I never saw the depth or realized the effect of my gift until now.  It was just something I did without realizing it. Yes, it can be very exhausting, which is why there are times I shut the world out and become distant.  Feeling what others feel is what I do without thinking.  I actually have to concentrate to block my gift which takes another kind of energy and so I have to take time for just myself to recharge and heal.  People, who have ever been able to grasp what I’ve just revealed to you, have asked me why I do it…  And all I could say tell them that we ignored the gifts that are in each of us, we would eventually die as a person because our gifts give us a purpose and for some a reason to live because their gifts are all they have. 

Blessed Be

A Squirrely Reminder

 

Yesterday afternoon I was sitting on the curb reading by book while waiting for Persia to get off of the bus.  I couldn’t stay in the story though, hence my Facebook post of the feeling romantic.  My spirit was attempting to tune in to the spirit realm while my mind was trying desperately to not think any deep thoughts… in the end I started to let go.  I shut my eyes and breathed in the sweet autumn air and listened to the sounds of life that surrounded me…  I used all my senses except my natural vision, for I used my inner sight for that.  I could feel the cool breeze blow across my face and through my hair, and heard it send the leaves in to a colorful dance around me.  I saw with my mind’s eye how the leaves twisted and swirled in all their colorful glory.  I could smell earth, damp and sweet and I breathed deep, feeling all tension drain away.  That’s when I received a visitor.

As I was now relaxed, I opened my eyes and there in the middle of the street was a grey squirrel.  We watched each other as he casually came up to me and sat next to me.  He wasn’t afraid and I wasn’t surprised by his visit.  I was quite amused by us to be honest.  After a minute, he lazily went to the tree next to me, paused, and looked me in my eye again, and I smiled.  Then he continued lazily up the tree, peering down at me…  I made squirrel noises, and he came halfway down the tree again, and listened and then he shook his tail and went back up the tree.  He was done giving me the message he was sent to give me, so he went on about his business, and I went back to my book. 

I know it sounds crazy to most of ya’ll that are reading this, but it actually happens to me all the time.  I’ve had visits from grasshoppers, praying mantis, butterflies, and dragon flies (and that’s just in the last 2 months)… and they all come right when I need an answer, a lesson, or instruction in life.  The squirrel is no different and his message was right on time.

As most of ya’ll know, I have moved and have started a new life.  A new life means a fresh start, and cleaner path to my original destiny.  Each one of us has a destiny, a purpose, and a reason to be on this earth.  We each are gifted uniquely and powerfully.  Every day, with every thought and action or in-action, we create a ripple in the water of life.  Everything will affect the world and life that is sustained in it, for generations to come.  Whether you realize it or not you have absolute and literal impact on everything around you.  This is a spiritual law and it is a law of life.  Nothing can ever be done to change this.  And even if you don’t realize it, you have already been affected by what I’ve written thus far.  You’re opinion of me, your outlook on life and the way you view your daily interactions have already begun to change on a subconscious level.  And with that subconscious shift in your person and mentality, it will slowly begin to manifest in the natural and will be evident in your actions and words or lack thereof.  Even your denial of this basic truth will forever have a reverberating affect on your life and all that are in it. We learned it as children: whatever you sow, you will reap.  If you ever wonder why everything seems to be against you, then it’s probably because of something you’ve done in the past that has now come full circle.  The same applies if there is a whole bunch of wonderful things that are happening, then it’s probably your reward for all the wonderful things you’ve done.  And remember the law of multiplication that is tied to it.  I was reminded to be prudent in my actions, thoughts, and words; the flip side though was to remember to have fun and enjoy life.  The goal is to walk life in perfect balance.

It was a message that I had received when I was about ten years old, walking in the cornfields.  I’ve always preferred to be outdoors where life can speak to me freely without technology to drown out or shut down the life’s signals.  So as a young girl I’d often walk through the cornfields or the woods by our house, or lay in the branches of the big trees in our yard while letting life speak to my spirit.  I was sixteen years old when I received the message again.  This time I was in the woods reclining on an old fallen tree that had been covered in moss.  It was the end of spring and the woods were rich with the jewel green of the moss, the music of the creek, and warm with the sunlight that filtered through the branches. 

Now, at twenty-six, I have been sent this message for a third time.  The difference is that I wasn’t seeking solitude or wisdom in the nature.  This time I was in a neighborhood surrounded by traffic and other people, yet, I was still able to receive the message.  Why?  And why was this message sent to me again?  I came to the conclusion this morning.

To answer the first question of why, I’d say it’s because of my position in life.  I’m once again at the beginning of a new stage of my life just like I was at the beginning when I received the message previously.  At ten, I was starting the transition from child to teenager.  As we know, being a teenager is an incredibly rough period in life.  You are not a child and not yet an adult. You are in a type of limbo with no clear sense of direction.  You are pushed and pulled in many directions by your peers, parents, and the church, and you have to somehow find your voice and identity in the commotion, as well as start making choices that will ultimately affect how your teenage years turn out.  So this message came to me as a tool for navigation.  The second time I was starting to transition from teenager to woman. While I personally believe womanhood is a spiritual transition and not a physical one, and that’s because physically that comes around 13 or 14 (ya’ll know what I’m talking about), which starts around 20, society and the world says 18 you’re an adult and will be held to those standards.  At this age you are being pushed and pulled in so many directions and you are expected to know what career you want for the rest of your life and choose the school that is best suited for that career out of thousands across the nation.  Oh and you’re expected to figure out how to pay for it.  So at sixteen I was preparing to be a woman and it wasn’t any easier than becoming a teenager. 

Now I am twenty-six and am at the beginning of my womanhood years. Yes, I know, according to society I’ve been a woman for about seven years.  I believe while physically I may have been one, I have just begun to truly come into my womanhood spiritually.  Yes, I’m an old spirit, and while I may have acted and thought years ahead of my age, it’s not the same thing.  Your spirit and soul are two different part of your being.  So with that being said, I’ve just started my new life.  I moved, changing my physical location which affects my spiritual location; I’ve cut people out of my life and added new people.  So essentially I’ve cut out physical, spiritual and souls ties, and have added others, in every aspect of my life; I did the ultimate change a person can do.  I changed my destiny.  While I knew what my destiny was, I would never have reached it because of where I was in life and the people and influences that were in it.  And I knew that if I didn’t reach mine, my daughter wouldn’t reach hers.  So I altered the course in both of our life, as is my divine right to do.  I do not know what her destiny is.  Only she will know that when the time is right.  When she becomes 10, her personal journey will begin.  By then she will begin to make the decisions that will ultimately affect her life.  Until then I have the power to mold her mind, and fill her with all the knowledge, of both the spiritual and natural, laws and principles that I currently posses, so that she may have the best start that I can give her.  After that, all I can do is guide and give advice.  As you can see, there is a gap of time between physical and spiritual womanhood.  And this is why this was sent to me again and at this stage in my life.  Because I am now a woman and I am in charge with a life that I must protect, nurture, and guide into her womanhood and destiny and doing so is a part of my destiny.

These are sobering thoughts, I know…  But since I inevitably will impact life, I have chosen to be conscience of how I do that and to try to control it as much as I’m able to, in the spiritual and natural.  May you use the message I’ve passed on to you wisely and may your way in life be made a little easier.

Blessed Be

Flowers of Definition

On Saturday night I asked my friends on Facebook if they could guess my favorite flowers were.  I asked them because I wanted to see how people viewed me.  I wanted to know the impression I gave them.  The guesses they made were just as revealing as what the correct answers were, which is what I was hoping for.  I believe if you’re going to really search yourself for your true identity, then you need to view all sides.  While this is a personal search, it’s very enlightening to see how people view me, and when I know how they view me, I’m able to sort out why they think that about me.  What have I done, said, or how have I acted in order for them to come to that conclusion about me.   

The first guess was orchid.  The orchid is said to represent luxury, elegance, and wealth and to be the symbol of perfection.  Needless to say, I was flattered.  Now, I thought that was very interesting because that used to be my favorite flower when I was younger, when I was a teenager.  I loved them.  They reminded me of hot, sultry far off lands that the breezes smelt of spices.  Needless to say if anyone who knew me as a teenager knew that while I was older than my years at times, I was very… sociable?  Lol Um I was coming into my woman hood and exploring the world and pushing my boundaries, testing authority and fighting for a freedom that always seemed to elude me.  As a teenager, I was in the between stages of woman and child and was pulled in both directions.  Parts of me didn’t want to leave high school… there were rules and boundaries.  But the majority of me screamed to be free and allowed to explore.  I wanted to taste life in all her fullness.  I was often rash and ruled completely by my emotions.  For those of ya’ll who know me, are probably agreeing whole heartedly with the previous description, and in a form, your are correct.  I am still that wild passionate spirit, but that spirit has grown and manifested because I am now a woman and a mother.  The orchid in me left its water mark on the artwork of my identity.  It will never go away.

The second guess was the rose.  It represents love, romance, passion, honor, faith, and beauty.  Now, I’ll tell you like I told my friend, I hate roses and if you really want to give me one, then it has to be a black rose or a blue one.  I know it doesn’t make sense to hate a flower that represents so much that is good and wonderful, but for pity sakes, I find the rose to be very hypocritical.  Yes.  I said it.  While it once meant something wonderful for a woman to receive one of these commercialized beauties, society has ruined that for this deep soul.  Many men give them just to get out of the dog house and have no clue what they truly stand for and silly woman who are very undeserving, receive them.  And ya’ll know exactly what I’m talking about so I’ll leave that alone.  But like I said, if you’re going to give me a rose, I want black because it represents death giving way to rebirth, a rare devotion to the person, or a tragic love; or a blue rose which is a symbol of the impossible and unattainable, as well as a symbol of hope for an impossible love or an unrequited love, and is a symbol for a miracle.

 

Daisies were the fourth guess.  The name Daisy apparently comes from the Anglo Saxon term “daes eage” which translates to “day’s eye”.  They received this name because these flowers open during the day and close at night.  Daisies represent innocence to the Celts because they believed that daisies came from the spirits of babies that died during birth and bloomed to ease their parent’s grief.  And I know I’m as guilty as a lot of women using them for determining their true love.  “He loves me, He loves me not…”  Needless to say these represent purity, innocence, and love.  But for me they’re rather annoying… they seem to be too happy… they make me want to pop their heads of like we did as little girls with dandelions.  Lol

Lilies were the 5^th and final guess.  But as you know there are many in that family, so I asked them to narrow it to a certain type.  The infamous tiger lily was guessed.  Now… I’m honestly not sure how I feel having this lily being guessed as opposed to the day lily or something else.  This flower represents wealth and pride.  While I don’t really care about wealth,  I am a proud woman at times.  I’m proud in the basic sense of I take pride in my work, proud of my daughter, proud of my accomplishments, but I’m in no way prideful in the sense that I think I’m better than my peers.  I don’t know if I said that right, but we all know that there is a difference in being proud and having pride.  That’s not all with this flower, there’s also a down side to it.  The tiger lily carries a viral disease that infects other species it’s close to and it can also be toxic to cats, causing vomiting, kidney failure ,lethargy and even death… I’ve always thought that they were pretty, but never wanted them… They always made me feel uneasy. 

The other lily that was guessed was the stargazer lily.  I was actually kind of surprised by this guess because it isn’t a “pure breed” lily.  This lily is actually a unique hybrid lily that was created by an independent American lily grower whose name was Leslie Woodruff.  This flower was introduced back in 1978 and stands for perfection, mystery, celebration, and success.  It’s the symbol of perfection because it is a perfect blend of the finest attributes and features of the Oriental and Asiatic lilies that it was derived from.  And because of its beautiful fragrance it can be nicknamed “heaven sent”.  Since Woodruff didn’t keep the most precise records while creating this flower, its origins and creation are somewhat of a mystery, therefore making this flower a symbol for mystery.  Because the very name, which was selected because it’s bloom points towards the sky, evokes a symbolic message of high hopes, optimism and timeless possibilities, which are all elements of celebration.  This flower also represents success because it is a direct fulfillment of a dream that an American had.

 

I don’t have just one favorite flower.  I actually have two favorites; while a few were correct with guessing lily, they had guessed the wrong type.  My favorite flowers are both in the lily family…  One is the Water lily and the other one is the Lily of the Valley.  The water lily is a unique flower that actually grows out of the mud, at the bottom of a pond or lake, and emerges from the water glorious and radiant, and the blossoms close at night and open at first light.  The Water lily represents resurrection, enlightenment, and purity.  It is a person who can emerge undefiled or transform into their true beauty from the illusion and chaos of the world.

My other favorite, the Lily of the Valley, was actually my favorite flower as a child.  I can remember spring days when I was around six years old; I’d like to smell the flowers that were in my foster mother’s garden.  I had never seen anything like them before and they had filled my little heart with mystery and hope…  They made me dream of sweet wonderful things and fairies…  And their sent was so sweet, and blossom so delicate.  I was always afraid I’d break them, but I would just have to touch it…  Like fashion, many things in our life come full circle…  It is now Twenty years later and the Lily of the Valley is again my favorite flowers.  And yes…  I still think of fairies and dream up wonderful fantasies about life…  Interestingly this flower represents humility, the return of happiness, sweetness, purity, and innocence.  I know I’m not the same little girl I once was, but as I’ve stated before, as we transform and evolve as people, there will always be echoes of our old selves.  There’s a watermark on my heart of the little girl who didn’t have a care in the world, yet looked at life with the eye that had seen too much but still was innocent and pure in her heart. 

I’ve been through an awful lot in my 26 years, and the things I’ve seen and done, can never be undone and will have a forever influence in my life and the way I live, but maybe, the return of the Lily of the Valley is a sign and symbol that I’ve once again begun to see the world with eyes of an aged wisdom and have managed to find the purity and innocence of my heart that I had hidden away many years ago.  And maybe the Water Lily is my symbol for making it; for pushing my way through the mud in life and blossoming into the glorious and radiant woman I was always created to be.

I guess time will only tell…

Blessed Be

Who Am I?

This is an age old question that everyone finds themselves having to ask and answer.  No matter your age, color, culture, religious beliefs or your philosophy on life, you are going to have to answer this question more than once.  Why?  Because as we go through life, our experiences change, and with that change, we are changed; whether you agree with me or not it’s a fact.  There’s no way to go through life and not be affected by it in one way or another.  Even if you do the same thing every day the same way, it will still have an effect on you and will force you to view life completely different from your neighbor across the street.

For me personally, I haven’t asked myself that question in probably a good 5 years.  So why am I now?  Well I’ve recently revamped my life and those in it.  After me and my boyfriend split, I realized I was free.  Don’t get me wrong, he’s not a bad guy, and I enjoyed being with him, but when you’re with someone, you end up planning your routine and activities around that person.  So now that I didn’t have to anymore, it meant I could do whatever I wanted.   So I did.  I moved.  I had wanted to move for almost 2 years.  Years ago when I had thought about moving to this place, it was shouted down by those around me… so I foolishly listened.  This time around I did it in secret.  Only a couple of people knew what I was planning and when it finally happened I was so relieved.   I couldn’t have been happier, and when I told my family and friends that I had moved, there was the much expected protest.  But it was too late.  It was done.  I was free; but with that freedom, came uncertainty.  I was finally free to be me, but who was that?   I hadn’t seen her for a few years…

I had gone to my sister’s house for a play date for our daughters and us, and ended up venting some pent up frustration I’d been having.  She listened patiently and then stopped me and asked who I was.  I just looked at her.  I started saying something smart… and she cut me off and asked me again who I was.  I had to admit that I didn’t know anymore.  So much had happen and I had neglected myself and had hidden myself so I didn’t offend others or for the benefit of others… that I no longer knew.  Over the years, people told me who I was and what I liked, as well as what I should do with my life, what job I should have, and that should never have been.   Needless to say those people have been eradicated from my life.  So my sister gave me an assignment: write down on a piece of paper who you are. 

Well I started to, but then halfway through the paper, I got agitated.  How in the bleeding land of faeries was I supposed to do that when I didn’t have the answers?  I just figured out what my favorite flowers and my favorite colors were 4 months ago.  So after brooding on it for the past 4 days, I decided I’d do it one subject at a time and I’d do a thoroughly detailed study of myself.  This is my introduction for it.  Every time I figure out a new part of me, I will write about it.  And yes, I’ll still write about other things as I get the mood too…

Hope you enjoy my journey!

Blessed Be

Loreena McKennit

There's not many artists that I call my favorite.  I have only about 1 or two in most genre's that are my favorite. But this artist is one of my all time favorites since childhood.. I remember listening to her on cassette tape for hours.  Every time the tape would stop, I'd flip it over to the other side, until it ended.  I remember nights, when I was supposed to be asleep, but couldn't so, I'd turn my tape on really soft so my parents couldn't hear it across the hall.  

Loreena Mckennit is absolutely stunning and has an amazing gift and gorgeous voice.  Her songs have always pulled to me.  They almost haunt me, if that makes sense and I find that I'm compelled to listen.  Her music has always had a way of soothing my soul and putting my mind at rest.  So, I share some of her work with you in hopes that it too can sooth your soul and put your mind at rest.

Loreena McKennit - The Old Ways

Loreena McKennitt - The Two Trees

Lorenna McKennit - Night Ride Across the Caucus 

Blessed Be