Life Colors

I'm back again with the long awaited answer another self-discovery.  The age old question of my favorite color was asked and was not answered by my friends and family.  So I went to my neighbors and asked them what they thought my favorite color was.  Remember, my goal is to not only see how people perceive me as well as how I perceive myself, but to analyze both perceptions so that I may come to a conclusion that speaks the most truth to me about me.  With that being said, I won't lie.  I am kind of nervous as to what the results will show.  For example, my previous post was in search of the meaning behind my favorite flowers.  Well all the guesses had shown me that people generally had a very positive outlook as to who they thought I was.  I picture I received was a woman who was happy, romantic and pure.  Who wouldn't want people to think that about them, while they did guess mostly good things, there was that one flower... the Tiger Lily that had made me somewhat nervous?  Why?  Because its meaning was of wealth and pride, and we know that those two things, especially tied together can be morally dangerous.  The Tiger lily also carries a viral fungus than can infect other species and can be toxic to cats.  And as I mentioned before, they always made me nervous and I never wanted to own them.  I was quit content to watch them from afar.  But it did show me that I recognize the dangers that can be brought to a person’s life by wealth and pride, and have shown prudence in avoiding it.  So I lucked out this time...  But everyone has a week point and dark spot.  Mine wasn't revealed by the flowers... now we will see about the colors.

This brings me back to my post for today.  As I said I asked my neighbors to help me, so let’s first look at their guesses and see what they mean.  The color orange was the first guess and I wasn't surprised at all.  This also is the favorite color of a really good friend of mine, so this will be enlightening for him.  OK, so we know how orange is made, with yellow and red, and because it is made of two colors, it combines some of their properties as well to make for a unique color.  Orange combines the energy of red with the happiness of yellow, making it a very stimulating color.  It represents creativity, vitality, playfulness, and endurance; it also stirs up an appetite for the good things in life and for those who like this color, are generally thoughtful, sincere and curious.  So while I do have some of these traits, this is totally how my friend is, which is why we get along so well.

Now, this next guess was a very flattering surprise, because this color embodies the very essence of femininity.  Lavender, the beautiful shade of purple that has been doused with white, is a beautiful and timeless color.  It contains the purity, cleanliness, and hope of white, with the mystery, royalty, and magic of purple.  Within the color lavender, are the traits of a true lady; a woman who delicately and gracefully carries the mystery of womanhood at its purest. 

  

My neighbor who guessed lavender also guessed black.  This leads me to believe that she may be a little more perceptive than I’d given her credit for, because purple and black were my favorites as a teenager.  Black is powerful and very misunderstood, which is why few choose it as their favorite color, but also making it the color for possibility and potential.  In truth, it is not a color at all.  It is in fact the very absence of color and it absorbs all light, making black to represent the hidden and fearful, or a bad experience, and is linked to the unknown and unseen.  Because of its properties it can also be seen as a restful emptiness of which anything may emerge and disappear at any given time.

Now, while no one on Facebook tried to guess my favorite color, my brother did guess that I would have more than one favorite color.  He was correct.  I have two.  The first one is blood red.  Yes, not just red, but blood red.  It is a very dark and deep red that holds both the qualities of red and black.  Red by itself is not for the timid.  It is fiery, passionate, violent, sensual, bold, and daringly wild.  Not many can handle this color because it overwhelms them.  It takes a wild spirit to find peace in this color, and it was my favorite as a little girl until I was about thirteen and started to transition to a young woman. It was then that red gave way to lavender and black.  I guess it knew it would be back and understood that when it did, it would more powerful and potent than before.  And it has.  Blood red represents the very essence of the life source that flows through each of, connecting all humanity on a primitive level; blood.  It’s a warm color that represents loyalty at its deepest (blood oaths for example), life at its fullest, undying love, passion at its most primitive and violent at its deadliest.  This shade of red has guts and is deep, strong, and dramatic. 

Turquoise… the color of water, our other life source, and the color of the earth and sky merging together to sustain all living life, is my second color.  It is a color that not only heals the emotions, but also controls them and stabilizes them.  This color combines the color blue with its peace, serenity, and tranquility, with the color yellow which uplifts, making this unique color that is between blue and green, giving balance and growth.  Turquoise is the color that will rejuvenate the spirit after extreme mental stress and over taxing as well as stimulate creativity and heighten sensitivity.  It’s also the color of many who are em-paths and those who are considered evolved or old souls. 

Once again my colors are polar opposites of each other.  Childhood was ruled by red and baby blue, my teenage years were guided by lavender and black, and now I've been unleashed in blood red and turquoise.  And after looking at how I was at each stage, it makes perfect sense considering all that I've seen and experienced in life.  There are thing I wish I never saw and people I wish I’d never met, but looking back I was meant to have those influences in my life for I can see the world and people in ways that others can’t.  I've been around death and decay, I've been lied to and betrayed, I've seen physical and emotional abuse, I've watched children be neglected and abandoned and given alcohol because adults found it hilarious, and I've had love given and taken away.  But I've also seen the miracles of a new life being born and watching people get healed in churches of ailments, I've seen loving people take in and adopt the abandoned and abused children, I've seen people of all walks of life rally together and stand as one against the ugliness that is in our world, I've seen people who were dead in life come alive with a renewed passion for living, and I've been blessed to watch couples who've fought to stay together through all the odds life through at them and even in though they may only have 3 years left to live, they still kiss each other with passion they had at 30.

Blood red is the color of my soul; I am one of the few who have the capacity to experience the range of human emotions at their deepest and most primitive at will.  With me, it is dangerous to keep my emotions bottled up, not only for me but for those around me.  I have to be allowed to see the emotion through completely before I can move on and release it.  Many, who are not able to grasp the concept of what it means to feel emotion in a primitive form, and are around for the rare display, see it as dramatic.  But what they are really witnessing is raw emotion without the restrictions that society and religion put on them. But with this gift comes a heavy responsibility with it.  There is a price to pay every time I allow the primitive to surface and a consequence when I allow people to see it, because many people can’t handle that kind of depth.  My anger is one that I have not fully released since I was 15, and that is a story for another time.  When I love someone, it’s a love that they can’t comprehend and they are at times overwhelmed by it.  They don’t understand how I can love them with their flaws and stand by them even when they break my heart; and it’s because they don’t understand the love is more than what society has made it to be. It is more than warm fuzzy feelings and lust.  It is a conscious decision to stand with that person through hell and back again.  It is being devoted to that person and helping them to be their best in the worst of times.  My love is not something I hand out lightly and when it’s given, it doesn't go away.  I may change, but it will never leave.  Hate…  I only have truly hated 3 people in my entire life.  To be hated by me destroys us both…  I've made it a point to never hate ever again.  My joy, has had people thinking I was high on drugs… lol I can’t explain what it’s like to have joy of that level.  It’s like your heart will explode and you can’t help smiling at laughing.  On top of that, you want them to feel what you’re feeling because it feels so amazing...  I have noticed that it is contagious.  No one who has ever been around me when I was joyful has ever been able to stay mad, sad, or depressed. 

I now y’all are wondering how I’m ever on an even kilter if I go through all that all the time and its simple; Turquoise is the color of my spirit and mind.  While going through these emotions I shut off the feelings and fully open my mind and spirit.  I remember what I went through and I analyze it.  And when I've done that, I either release it or give it away.  There are some people that come to me with problems and ask for advice or guidance.  Some of the things they tell me make me angry and I become very frustrated with their lack of emotion or if they have emotion, it’s normally the wrong one.  So I release my emotions to them in our conversations and they take that with them and are able to handle the situation themselves properly.  Sometimes though they have the right emotion, but because they don’t have the capability of harnessing it using it properly, their judgment is clouded and I have to counter their emotion with its opposite.  Then both types come back to update me after they've handled the situation, and because I experience their feelings on a primitive level on a daily basis and can harness the power of them, I’m able to sit down with them and explain logically from start to finish what happened and why for both them and the other people involved.  They then have a complete picture of the situation and can let it go; moving on with their lives.  So you see, I temper the emotions with thoughts and my spirit combines the two giving me a peace and a grace to be steady in life.

I've been doing this for years, but until now I never saw the depth or realized the effect of my gift until now.  It was just something I did without realizing it. Yes, it can be very exhausting, which is why there are times I shut the world out and become distant.  Feeling what others feel is what I do without thinking.  I actually have to concentrate to block my gift which takes another kind of energy and so I have to take time for just myself to recharge and heal.  People, who have ever been able to grasp what I’ve just revealed to you, have asked me why I do it…  And all I could say tell them that we ignored the gifts that are in each of us, we would eventually die as a person because our gifts give us a purpose and for some a reason to live because their gifts are all they have. 

Blessed Be