Who Am I?

This is an age old question that everyone finds themselves having to ask and answer.  No matter your age, color, culture, religious beliefs or your philosophy on life, you are going to have to answer this question more than once.  Why?  Because as we go through life, our experiences change, and with that change, we are changed; whether you agree with me or not it’s a fact.  There’s no way to go through life and not be affected by it in one way or another.  Even if you do the same thing every day the same way, it will still have an effect on you and will force you to view life completely different from your neighbor across the street.

For me personally, I haven’t asked myself that question in probably a good 5 years.  So why am I now?  Well I’ve recently revamped my life and those in it.  After me and my boyfriend split, I realized I was free.  Don’t get me wrong, he’s not a bad guy, and I enjoyed being with him, but when you’re with someone, you end up planning your routine and activities around that person.  So now that I didn’t have to anymore, it meant I could do whatever I wanted.   So I did.  I moved.  I had wanted to move for almost 2 years.  Years ago when I had thought about moving to this place, it was shouted down by those around me… so I foolishly listened.  This time around I did it in secret.  Only a couple of people knew what I was planning and when it finally happened I was so relieved.   I couldn’t have been happier, and when I told my family and friends that I had moved, there was the much expected protest.  But it was too late.  It was done.  I was free; but with that freedom, came uncertainty.  I was finally free to be me, but who was that?   I hadn’t seen her for a few years…

I had gone to my sister’s house for a play date for our daughters and us, and ended up venting some pent up frustration I’d been having.  She listened patiently and then stopped me and asked who I was.  I just looked at her.  I started saying something smart… and she cut me off and asked me again who I was.  I had to admit that I didn’t know anymore.  So much had happen and I had neglected myself and had hidden myself so I didn’t offend others or for the benefit of others… that I no longer knew.  Over the years, people told me who I was and what I liked, as well as what I should do with my life, what job I should have, and that should never have been.   Needless to say those people have been eradicated from my life.  So my sister gave me an assignment: write down on a piece of paper who you are. 

Well I started to, but then halfway through the paper, I got agitated.  How in the bleeding land of faeries was I supposed to do that when I didn’t have the answers?  I just figured out what my favorite flowers and my favorite colors were 4 months ago.  So after brooding on it for the past 4 days, I decided I’d do it one subject at a time and I’d do a thoroughly detailed study of myself.  This is my introduction for it.  Every time I figure out a new part of me, I will write about it.  And yes, I’ll still write about other things as I get the mood too…

Hope you enjoy my journey!

Blessed Be